Babe i like you a lot

nampak sangat ke babe? sorry cant help. 

my heart skips a beat

 “ awak nak tak kat dia?”

“ dia takmboh ke saya La”

“ awak nak tak kat dia?”

“ dia takmboh ke saya La”

“ kalau dia nak?”

“ kalau dia nak 4 kali Selasa kahwin la”

kenapa hari Selasa?

Pasal saya nak kahwin hari rare. Hari susah orang nak cuti

biar orang susah nak apply cuti. 

Red in memory

 Lately aku mengalami uncomfortness. 

Dulu bile I rasa uncomfort, I had an internet friend. We never met. but we were very close online.  he always shared funny reels, funny  vtt to me. (all about pondan or cinta terlarang). I signed up TT because of him ! 

or during my bad days, I had go through his ig stories. We love talking about pondan’s fashion . “ ko pulak lawo” 

He thought I was gay. so he always shared reel about ponde or about cinta terlarang. actually he was ys’ internet friend. 

back early 2025 i sent so many vtt to him , but he never replied. I was wondering where did he go . rupanya dia dah takde. I tak tahu dia tengah struggling on health issue. pasal dia selalu cakap nak kurus je.  I was so sedih. pasal i takde dah kawan to cheer me up during my mourning period. 

I miss you Red. AlFatihah.

Do you know what hurt the most.

 You know what hurt the most

Hmm. People who once understood you no longer understand you.

I miss you

 dont you miss me. yes everyday i doa, Ya Allah janganlah aku ingat kat dia . yes kadang it reda sekejap. but dia datang balik. are you manifesting me? lah tibe manifesting pulak. 

yeah i know you read this. dont you? yes u Fernando.

, "the saxophone is getting louder"

 You know what, kan I ade cerita that I sekarang tengah solat istikharah whether I should teruskan helping my brother to do this job or just ditch myself out.

fyi the company under my name has been in hiatus in about a year dah pasal I tak de satu sijil untuk teruskannya. and guess what , masalah tu dah selesai in a blink. tiba2 i dapat sijil tu, and selesai dalam satu minggu je. yang i tunggu dekat setahun. 

hmm Ya Allah , adakah aku kena teruskan. which is I malas. tapi setiap kali abang aku asked to prepare the documents, aku kesian pulak. aku buat je. alaaaaa nak teruskan ke tak ni!

Training season’s over

“ I finally got the message. He didnt love me. He didnt even like me” -  Meryl Streep The Prom

He didnt even remember on the last time I met him . It was 3 weeks ago. He said it was 4 weeks ago. 

Why I always like this huh . 

Kenapalah aku suka membina cerita dalam fikiran ( hmm perasan) that people that i like will like me back. aigoo.

Macam mana ni. kena move ong ke? best tau ade perasaan menyukai orang. Now I nak buat apa dengan hidup ini. so sad. 

bye lah Dr.F. Semoga adik ( terus panggil adik, untuk menjarakkan perasaan) berjumpa dengan orang yang mempunyai wavelenght perasaan sama2 suka dengan adik. okay bye.