..

this story was happen in last two months. 

Story about I had a fight with my 9 year old student M.

Everyone knows, that me and M were so closed.  ( I against favoritsm, but what to do Im only human)

So M got the third place in chess competition and at the same time it was her birthday. Thus she asked me for two presents, she asked a plushie and squishy. she told me many time. 

but i got her a keychain and i customized it with her name and a notebook. because i saw her notebook was full and dah jadi belacan dah. She accepted them but she wasnt happy. Her brother said, she wasnt happy. and I was sad too.   i thought she would appreciated them .. atleast..

So the next day, during my art class, she did something which was rude and didnt ask for apologize. Tc Z asked her to ask apologize with me , but M still refused. I takdelah marah mana pun. tu lah jangan expecting but accepting.

So i silent treatment with M ( well classic me) around two weeks. i didnt say hi, even she refused to join my class. She told everybody that she hated me the most. and ofcourselah menjadi gossip seantero class. sekejap2 ada yang tanya “ Teacher dah baik dengan M?” “ Teacher, M dah minta maaf dah?”

Then one day, I sengaja tegur dia. I cakaplah jom M ambil gambar and she shocked. She refused. Then sampailah gossip , M cakap dia dah minta maaf dengan teacher, ye ke?” and i just said yes.

But kiteorang je baik je balik and playing chess together.

hmm. semua orang takut dengan silent treatment i . I takde marah pon sebenarnya. I memang gini. I akan okay je sendiri. dulu even cikgu paling garang pun takut bila I dah started diam. lecturer I pun sampai minta maaf. my friend penah tunggu 2 malam dekat bawah pasal I taknak cakap dengan dia. 

Tapi semua okay je balik. Tapi i penah je tak cakap dengan orang yang tersayang 2 tahun dah.

So gitu lah. 

another story..

u constantly leave my text unread, and you don’t even have my name saved in your contacts pun . I was okay je, but u replied to me as if I ni kacau sangat u kerja . yes maybe my bad, hmm ikut la bad  siapa pun. i malas nak cakap dengan u dah.

it is over aite .

Babe, I enjoyed all your attention. Seriously I did. bak kata Sienna Spirro " if happiness just an illusion, you are the best I ever had"

Why i ve been like this? Sebenarnya, yesterday I had a chat with M, why Fernando acted like this? Excited at first then left me hanging there. but when i senyap, he tried to poke me with some likes on my posts. 

M kata, " ni dia panggil breadcrumb" hahaha. tiba tiba aku rasa so 'thread' kan? " he just wanted to keep you around pasal dia rasa mu adorable. 

tapi ciri- ciri breadcrumb semua ada pada u Fernando. ye ah conversation never go deeper.  Ajak hangout tapi lepas tu senyap. rileks, we are just friend. If I have feeling for u , itu I punya pasal la.  I tak ajak eh go further. Tapi tu lah sekarang dah macam motong dah sikit.

Fernando jangan lah jadi breadcrumb. you have everything. stand tall. kalau rasa suka any girl gi je ngorat. kalau tak suka, tell her "  we are not on the same boat" or " Bukan kite kawan je ke?" You are allowed to do that. You are adorable enough.

 Biar orang macam I je jadi breadcrumb. Pasal aku memang breadcrumb. Mangsa breadcrumb aku adalah Nemo a friend who lives abroad, she always asks  "Lets ngopi" whenever comes back to Terengganu. padahal selalau chat tapi bile dia balik Malaysia. I akan ghost dia. Pasal I memang lack of confidence and Nemo is somebody. but I love Nemo.

I really like u Fernando well who doesnt? but now, i need to remind myself whenever I talk to u , I need talk about what is happening in the present. nothing more. memang bosan but what to do. Take care babe. 

😎

 

yaaa i enjoyed it too

i miss you

I am not asking  your love in return. My feeling for you are on a whole different level. I haven’t feel this way in a very long time. 

You know what? I recite u Surah Ar-Rahman for you almost every day so that you are always blessed, loved, and protected. Yeah, I know I'm that sweet.

yeah i owed u a bundle of spanish latte.

i memang nak belanjah u, tapi tak ke nampak i macam beria. so i low key.

take care babe. yes you Fernando. 

what are you looking for ?

my blog’s traffic nowadays a bit hectic. do you want really know about me? Korang nak tahu apa?

Dekat posts who-is- the- jatey paling tinggi traffic.

Do you really want to know who I was dating before?

I only have an ex. we started dating on 16th nov 2005 and ended 20th April 2008. lamaaaaa dahh. yet i still remembered. yes “ he was fucking left me when i was fucking needed him”. malas sangat nak cite pasal dia pasal dia bodo. i frust bertahun jugak dengan dia. 

then i crushed on andy. tapi biasalah cinta mana pernah berbalas . takpelah sekarang dia hmmm. smak bangla lagi. hehe. 

then back 2012. i kenal the 1. i memang nak kat dia sorang je. 1 adalah kayu pengukur, contohnya 

“ antara 1 dengan amir ahnaf, siapa yang awak pilih?” 1.

“antara 1 dengan zul arifin? 1

even 2 tahun lepas jumpa 1 pasal i gi wedding hani’s brother. i masih lagi  nak kat 1. wah gitu. 

back 2014, i penah plan nak gi jumpa 1 dekat wedding dell. tapi i ended up stranded dekat katil hospital kena denggi. 

why i fell for him so hard? he was the nicest, most soft spoken, gentleman i ever met at that time. his words re nice and tersusun. sampai i pun cakap lemah lembut dengan dia. tapi tu la hes just not that into me. i drove  tau pergi wedding dia dengan penuh berat hati. tapi tu lah . 

then i met syafiq. failed jugak, then J. but my important person suka jugak dekat J. so  i let him go.  whenever i went to J’s cafe. He always made my meal so special. I love his bread pudding. 

Then R . Back 2020 i supposed to meet R in Melbourne. Since it was pandemic. R returned to Malaysia and ghosted me. and last 2 years he got married to someone else. even he invited me to his wedding. “pahtu mu ingat aku nok gi ah wedding mu? hmm maroh.

Tried to fall for N walaupun kalau tengok rupa. hmm. tapi it was so nice talking to him. it was the best talking stage ever. tapi tu lah. 

i was looking for TT. but ya. mestilah dia taknak.

For me. no matter how i like or love someone. I always put Allah dulu. cinta Allah dulu. Dia pemegang hati manusia. If it is meant to be. it is meant to be. ( done setazah)

And u . if u like someone or love someone. dont give all of your heart. simpan sikit for you. love yourself. and lived.

“What is meant for you will reach you even if it is beneath two mountains, and what is not meant for you will not reach you even if it is between your two lips”

happy siblings day everybodeh

hmm, aku ni punyalah encourage myself untuk comment on your page. susun ayat. just to look like a normal person who commmented on a normal page.baca banyak kali supaya nampak normal like orang normal  commented.

and then you replied ; #\]+~$\¥]¥ my sistaa [+{+}+=]

why at this point, u nak emphasize ‘sis’ and ‘sista’ dekat in the middle comment. why. why. why. tahu tak it sounded like apa? 

like i said i love you. and you replied : tak, i tak boleh i anggap u sebagai kakak je. 

can you just replied :

option 1 : heyyyy thankk you. i memang comels mcm mommy i .

option 2: aamiin ya rabb. thankkk you for the doa.

option 3 : thank you. jangan lupa take good care of your health too. stay hydrated! ( ye lah u kan doc kan) 

see iols dah gemini google yang bagi suggestion nak guna ayat apa. 

ke doc sukaa iols gak tapi indenial? kalau suka, suka je lah. bukannya iols ajak kahwin pon. 

dahlaa doc. iols taknak jumpa doc dah. you wont see me anymore . 

i know u read this. and delete je lah gamba “ my sista “ ni yang dalam phone doc tu.

take care je la doc. happy siblings day btw.

my bestfriend